I used to have a very tidy worldview. In fact, I wrote a 5-page paper about it back when I was going to Bible college. It was a very easy paper for me to write...because that was back when I knew everything.
I was raised in a Christian family, but I was taught to think for myself. I've always considered myself to be open to new ideas, so I was quite blindsided when I realized how small my world really was. I was dependent on our church to "feed" me and I thought I was growing closer to god by pulling away from the "world". I was a good little church-going housewife and mother. That was enough for me.
Except. I missed my sister.
Like a lot of American Christians, I believed that homosexuality is wrong. How could I not? I mean, it's right there in the Bible, right? I also believed that I should "love the sinner, but hate the sin." You have to admit, it is a catchy slogan. I had some friends who are gay, and I loved them (still do), but there was always an underlying feeling that there was something wrong with them. I would pray for them to change and turn from their "lifestyle." I am embarrassed to admit this. Bear with me.
It wasn't really a problem for me to follow along with my church's teachings about homosexuality because, honestly, it didn't really personally affect me. Not until my sister came out.
There were other elements at fault, but the main reason my relationship with my sister became strained was because I couldn't accept that she is a lesbian. I was very uncomfortable. (And now in hindsight, I know that she also spent many years being uncomfortable before accepting who she is.) Years of missteps and misunderstanding frayed the thread that held us together. The girl who was once my best friend was becoming a woman that I didn't really know.
Religious folks will often tell you to separate yourself from people who will "lead you astray." Jesus told us to befriend them. And I've learned you really can't be someone's (true) friend if you don't accept them for who they are.....or if you have ulterior motives like praying for them to change or trying to get them to come to church (and change).
Slowly, my world began to grow. Again, there were many factors at work. My solid worldview walls were crumbling from the inside. Eventually, I began hearing warning bells at every church service I attended; and not just concerning the topic of homosexuality. In a religion of "grace," there sure is a lot of talk about what we have to DO. See, grace is free. That's what makes it grace. There is NOTHING we can do to earn it. There is really nothing more that can be said about it. How pastors can squeeze hours worth of sermons out of it baffles me. The majority start out quite well: the fact...the honor...the gift of grace is laid out. But then there is the BUT: BUT we have to do good works. BUT we have to tithe. BUT we have to feel guilty if we don't go to church every week...
I left. (and yes, I did feel guilty for quite awhile)
At this point, I'm sure some would say that leaving the church is what sent me on the road to corrupt thinking and crazy things like supporting human rights. To be honest, there was a time that I had no idea what to think. Some may say I lost my faith, but I have always had absolute faith in Love. I no longer have faith in the god that I thought I grew up with, though I have become reacquainted with the God of my heart. God is love, the universe, inside the universe, outside the universe, in me, in others. He/she/it reveals love and truth by any means possible, often in the most surprising ways. I don't quite understand it all (and I currently avoid anyone who claims to), but I yearn for the grace that Jesus gave others. My new faith is tentative as I am slowly separating what I was taught from what I truly believe, but reading about Jesus' interactions with people makes me want to be like him. The grace that I have received makes me want to give grace to others. I want to live in love, each day its own journey, with freedom from performance guilt and fear. I am definitely going to make mistakes, but it is often those mistakes that teach us the most about ourselves...and reveal our true friends.
My sister saved me from my small world because she forced me to think anew.
A closing metaphor, if you will:
In the great grand scheme of things, does it really matter WHY a one-armed man only has one arm? Regardless of what happened in the past, he has one arm and nothing can change that. Whether he was born that way, formed that way, or even chose to be that way, he still deserves to be at peace within himself. He deserves the right to not have to explain himself to anyone else, he deserves to be loved, and he deserves the same rights that every other human has. He is not a second-class citizen. In fact, he is extremely skilled with his one arm, lives a vibrant life, and has true friends who do not judge him. What some may see as a handicap has been overcome.
NO person who truly follows Christ will EVER stand in the way of anyone's ability to overcome.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
Friday, September 7, 2012
Bunk Bed Sheets
I finally got around to altering my son's sheets to fit his bunk bed better...and make it easier for me to change. At first, I thought about attaching the top sheet to the bottom, but I didn't think that would be the best when it came time to wash them. I just wanted a fitted top sheet. I looked all over Google-land and couldn't find anything like this, so I took matters into my own hands. Here's what I did:
1. Measure. Here's the math:
sheet width - bed width = x
divide x by 2 = amount to cut off each side
In my case, the sheet was about 62", the bed about 35". (It's better to make the bed width on the wide side for seam allowance.) So, I needed to remove 13.5" off each side.
2. Next, cut a square that size off each bottom corner. Yeah, I'm not messing around with ironing.
3. Sew. Fold the cut edges together to form the bottom corners of the sheet. I used a very lazy, non-precise, no-iron French seam.
4. Attach elastic to the bottom. I used some 1/2" elastic I already had. I didn't even measure. I just started on one corner and zig-zagged across to the other side.
Stretch the elastic as you sew and it will gather the fabric when it's finished. I cut the excess elastic off when I was finished.
It's hard to get a picture of the finished product, but basically it's just a sheet with a fitted bottom and regular top. Perfect for staying tight on a bunk bed.
I like this so much, I was thinking about doing this for my own bed. However, it would probably be too tight at the foot for adults. A kid's bed where the bottom 2 or 3 feet of the bed is basically unused is a different story.
I decided to alter the comforter as well. I was a little intimidated since there is more to wrestle with a comforter compared to a sheet, but I got this one at a resale shop and it's cheap enough to experiment on.
Luckily, it turned out great! I did basically the same thing as the sheet, but pulled a few inches of the batting/stuffing away from the seams. I had to use a little extra care to make sure I had all the layers aligned when I sewed the corners.
One area is a little less sloppy in my house! Totally worth it. And yes, it was SOOOO much easier to get the sheets on this way. I am pleased.
1. Measure. Here's the math:
sheet width - bed width = x
divide x by 2 = amount to cut off each side
In my case, the sheet was about 62", the bed about 35". (It's better to make the bed width on the wide side for seam allowance.) So, I needed to remove 13.5" off each side.
3. Sew. Fold the cut edges together to form the bottom corners of the sheet. I used a very lazy, non-precise, no-iron French seam.
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Vegan Waffles
My son is allergic to milk and eggs, so when I got a waffle maker from our family white elephant exchange, I started working on a waffle recipe. After a few tweaks, I came up with a recipe that I love...
3 tsp. Ener-G Egg Replacer
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup oil
1 3/4 cup soy milk (I use 8th Continent Original)
1 T sugar (I use sucanat)
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
With a wire whisk, beat the egg replacer and water together until frothy.
Add oil, soy milk, and sugar. Beat.
Add flours, baking powder, and salt. Mix well, but not too much. Let it sit while the waffle iron heats up.
I use a ladle to spoon the batter onto my waffle iron (sprayed with oil). I set the timer for 4 minutes and they turn out perfectly every time. I'm sure different waffle makers have different settings, so you may need to experiment with the time and amount of batter. Watch for the steam to finish, that's when the waffle is finished cooking.
Makes about 6 waffles.
My non-allergic kids couldn't tell that these waffles are "different". I like to keep the extras in the fridge and I reheat them on the waffle iron for about a minute.
I added a handful of small dried blueberries to my last batch and they turned out great. I love waffles topped with yogurt, fruit, and agave/maple syrup. I think that's what I'll have for lunch today!
3 tsp. Ener-G Egg Replacer
1/4 cup water
1/2 cup oil
1 3/4 cup soy milk (I use 8th Continent Original)
1 T sugar (I use sucanat)
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 cup unbleached all-purpose flour
4 tsp. baking powder
1/4 tsp. salt
With a wire whisk, beat the egg replacer and water together until frothy.
Add oil, soy milk, and sugar. Beat.
Add flours, baking powder, and salt. Mix well, but not too much. Let it sit while the waffle iron heats up.
I use a ladle to spoon the batter onto my waffle iron (sprayed with oil). I set the timer for 4 minutes and they turn out perfectly every time. I'm sure different waffle makers have different settings, so you may need to experiment with the time and amount of batter. Watch for the steam to finish, that's when the waffle is finished cooking.
Makes about 6 waffles.
My non-allergic kids couldn't tell that these waffles are "different". I like to keep the extras in the fridge and I reheat them on the waffle iron for about a minute.
I added a handful of small dried blueberries to my last batch and they turned out great. I love waffles topped with yogurt, fruit, and agave/maple syrup. I think that's what I'll have for lunch today!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
4/3/2012
I haven't written in a long time because I go through periods where I just don't feel like I have anything worthy to say. I consider deleting my blog altogether. I doubt myself and my thoughts. I think I sometimes get so tired of everything, I just withdraw.
My household has been sick for the last 2 months. Maybe 3. 3 months with at least one out of six people sick. I'm tired. The problem is: it's always something. Life never slows down. If everyone is healthy, the car breaks down. If the cars are running well, the plumbing is leaking. I realized that the way I was living assumed that things would get better. They aren't. I'm not being pessimistic here. I'm realizing that I need to be more proactive.
I think I have a problem with comparing my life to others'. The caveat in this is that we hardly ever see a person's "real" life, so how can we really compare? It seems to me that everyone else has better health, more energy, better social skills, and more sanity. Meanwhile, my feelings of facepalm about other people's choices coexist with feelings of insecurity about my own choices. In my yearning to not be "wrong" I can feel both ends of the spectrum at the same time, and it tears me apart sometimes. I wish I cared less and therefore hurt less. And I wish I loved more and therefore hurt less.
This unpolished stream of consciousness is all I have to offer. The perfectionist slice of my internal pie chart would delete this because it kills me to be misunderstood. But there's another piece of pie that just has to get some of this out.
My household has been sick for the last 2 months. Maybe 3. 3 months with at least one out of six people sick. I'm tired. The problem is: it's always something. Life never slows down. If everyone is healthy, the car breaks down. If the cars are running well, the plumbing is leaking. I realized that the way I was living assumed that things would get better. They aren't. I'm not being pessimistic here. I'm realizing that I need to be more proactive.
I think I have a problem with comparing my life to others'. The caveat in this is that we hardly ever see a person's "real" life, so how can we really compare? It seems to me that everyone else has better health, more energy, better social skills, and more sanity. Meanwhile, my feelings of facepalm about other people's choices coexist with feelings of insecurity about my own choices. In my yearning to not be "wrong" I can feel both ends of the spectrum at the same time, and it tears me apart sometimes. I wish I cared less and therefore hurt less. And I wish I loved more and therefore hurt less.
This unpolished stream of consciousness is all I have to offer. The perfectionist slice of my internal pie chart would delete this because it kills me to be misunderstood. But there's another piece of pie that just has to get some of this out.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
We're So Advanced! Really?
I just got home from seeing the movie The Help with some girlfriends. This actually has nothing to do with the movie (which was really good and I highly recommend it!) but it just got me thinking...what will the movies 50 years from now reveal about our lives? What things accepted as "normal" in society now will seem horrendous to our grandchildren?
The Help (based on a book by the same title) is about black maids telling their stories about working for white southern women. Treating someone like a servant (or slave) is totally foreign to me, but I can't help but wonder what I would really think if I had been raised that way. I would never treat someone as less than an equal, would I? Do I treat all my neighbors on this planet the way I would like to be treated? It's appalling to look back into history to see how (some) white people treated (some) black people. It feels like slavery and segregation are some archaic mistakes that don't affect us anymore, but the sad truth is that it is all relatively recent history! Even more sad, slavery isn't dead. It just has a different face.
I'm thinking about all the plastic crap that is made in China. (I'm also thinking about all the other disgusting faces of current slavery that will haunt me if I spend too much time thinking about them.) So, I'm going to stick to slavery I support, however reluctantly. Buying cheap things made in cheap factories for cheap prices isn't worth the money "saved". There are SOULS working in factories, getting grossly underpaid and overworked just to save us a dime. When I take a moment to think about WHO made the majority of the THINGS I'd like to buy....well, I realize I want less. I'll be honest, this is hard. I like stuff and I don't have a lot of money. I probably will get my kids a Happy Meal toy here and there. The computer I'm typing on now was probably pieced together by starving children for all I know. I would have to go without a lot of stuff if I truly wanted to avoid supporting slavery. How do I find balance in this? If I buy Fair Trade the rest of my life, will that even make a difference?
I don't have the answers. And this is only one example.
It's much easier to judge the cruelty of past generations.
The Help (based on a book by the same title) is about black maids telling their stories about working for white southern women. Treating someone like a servant (or slave) is totally foreign to me, but I can't help but wonder what I would really think if I had been raised that way. I would never treat someone as less than an equal, would I? Do I treat all my neighbors on this planet the way I would like to be treated? It's appalling to look back into history to see how (some) white people treated (some) black people. It feels like slavery and segregation are some archaic mistakes that don't affect us anymore, but the sad truth is that it is all relatively recent history! Even more sad, slavery isn't dead. It just has a different face.
I'm thinking about all the plastic crap that is made in China. (I'm also thinking about all the other disgusting faces of current slavery that will haunt me if I spend too much time thinking about them.) So, I'm going to stick to slavery I support, however reluctantly. Buying cheap things made in cheap factories for cheap prices isn't worth the money "saved". There are SOULS working in factories, getting grossly underpaid and overworked just to save us a dime. When I take a moment to think about WHO made the majority of the THINGS I'd like to buy....well, I realize I want less. I'll be honest, this is hard. I like stuff and I don't have a lot of money. I probably will get my kids a Happy Meal toy here and there. The computer I'm typing on now was probably pieced together by starving children for all I know. I would have to go without a lot of stuff if I truly wanted to avoid supporting slavery. How do I find balance in this? If I buy Fair Trade the rest of my life, will that even make a difference?
I don't have the answers. And this is only one example.
It's much easier to judge the cruelty of past generations.
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Dreams and Idiots
I had a dream last night: I was rushing to catch a bus...or was I rushing through an airport? Maybe both. I was "driving" a wheelchair with my one-year-old on my lap, one hand on the wheel and one arm struggling to keep him from falling off my lap. It seems there were constant ramps making the wheelchair speed faster and faster. Just when I thought I'd lose control, I'd skid to a spot where I could put my feet down just long enough to catch a little balance before the next decline. Sounds exactly like a metaphor for my reality!
When I finally reached the terminal (the wheelchair and baby had left the scene), I tripped and whacked my leg on a railing or something. As I was "rubbing it out" like my grandma taught me, I noticed rows and rows of people watching me, snickering. After all I had been through, my desire to be polite was non-existent...so I yelled, "What are you laughing at, you IDIOTS!!? I hope it hurts REALLY bad the next time you smack yourself...and you WILL!!"
I'd have to say this dream was spot on. I am getting to the point in my life where I'm tired of wasting energy on people who simply don't deserve it. I fully intend to stop trying to win the affection of people who just don't like me and face the fact that there are some people that I don't like...and I am better off just staying away from them. Please don't misunderstand me. I am referring to the type of people who will listen to your hardships, but inwardly snicker and judge. I am referring to the type of people who just don't understand and don't care to take the time to understand. I just don't have energy for them.
And therein lies the one of the many duplicities of human life. My heart is full of love one moment and I'm ready to kick an idiot in the shin the next.
When I finally reached the terminal (the wheelchair and baby had left the scene), I tripped and whacked my leg on a railing or something. As I was "rubbing it out" like my grandma taught me, I noticed rows and rows of people watching me, snickering. After all I had been through, my desire to be polite was non-existent...so I yelled, "What are you laughing at, you IDIOTS!!? I hope it hurts REALLY bad the next time you smack yourself...and you WILL!!"
I'd have to say this dream was spot on. I am getting to the point in my life where I'm tired of wasting energy on people who simply don't deserve it. I fully intend to stop trying to win the affection of people who just don't like me and face the fact that there are some people that I don't like...and I am better off just staying away from them. Please don't misunderstand me. I am referring to the type of people who will listen to your hardships, but inwardly snicker and judge. I am referring to the type of people who just don't understand and don't care to take the time to understand. I just don't have energy for them.
And therein lies the one of the many duplicities of human life. My heart is full of love one moment and I'm ready to kick an idiot in the shin the next.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Thankfulness
We recently had a violent thunderstorm in our city. Seemingly strong trees look like they were pulled out of the ground, roots and all. Houses were smashed and power lines were yanked. We were without electricity for 3 nights. But our roof was safe. And our basement didn't flood. These are things I am VERY thankful for.
I packed up my four kids and stayed at my mom and dad's house for a couple nights. My parents have a very small home, but large love. It was strange to see my childhood home with adult eyes...to use a cereal bowl that I used for many years in the mornings before school, but now feels foreign to me. It was refreshing to be reminded just how small the bedroom is that I shared with my sister when we were kids. Refreshing...because I sometimes feel worried that my kids' rooms are too small. I sometimes worry that I am a bad parent for not providing "bigger, better, and more" for my children. There are times that my heart squeezes when I have to say "no". There is a bittersweet sting when my daughter offers her piggy bank to buy us more food. It is too tempting to focus on all the things we do not have. But I know this kind of thinking is pure folly, because we have SO MUCH.
While we fled to air conditioning in the hot weather, my husband stayed at home to work on clearing the fallen branches and broken trees in our yard. Regardless of how many hard times we have gone through and will most likely go through in the future...I am so thankful for him. It is good for my wifely soul to see my husband with chainsaw in hand, fighting against the elements. I am thankful to have a partner with skills and kind eyes that will outlive our youth. The years have taught me that my husband is definitely the first one I'd pick to be on my team. And for that, I am thankful.
Once the power came back on and we were all settled back at home, my husband and I were exhausted. Being away from home takes its toll on me. I love my own bed. Even more, I love my children all in their own beds. I like to be surrounded by things that are familiar to me. There was so much work to catch up on, it felt like we were gone for a month. I had my dishwasher, washing machine, and clothes dryer making up for lost time. Yes, I am fully aware how dependent I am on modern inventions; I will shamelessly admit it. And I am extremely thankful for them.
I am always mindful of that fact that we are "rich" simply because we have running water. Little hardships shake me up and let my thankfulness float to the surface. Our power outage was a mere irritation when compared to the atrocities happening around the world this very second. Sometimes my global empathy swells up and cripples me with tears, but it certainly keeps me...you guessed it...thankful for my life. It is a raw kind of happiness, because I know how much worse things could be. It is an emotion of action because it drives me to make the best of what I have, to improve it within my means. It makes me want to love others and live vibrantly.
Thankfulness has served me well over the years.
I know my children will "suffer" from wants not met, dreams not reached, hardships unnumbered...just as I did. And though my mother-heart wants to protect them from all hurt, I guess I just have to hope that they will learn a lifestyle of thankfulness and add depth to their souls. So, it's okay to say "no" when my son asks me to buy a new LEGO set. And an extra delight when I can say "yes".
A perfect life is not a breeding ground for thankfulness.
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