Wishes

I can't really remember the first time I heard a genie story, but I do remember laying awake at night thinking through the possible scenarios that could arise if I were to come across such an ancient brass lamp that required my polishing skills.  Assuming I couldn't use my first wish to ask for infinity wishes, I narrowed down two of my three wishes to the ability to speak (and understand) every language and the ability (and talent) to play every instrument.  I haven't been able to pin down a third wish.  I guess the obvious choice would be unlimited wealth, though considering the awesomeness-that-would-be-me with my language and music abilities, I think I'd have that covered.  

The last time I was at the hospital, I had the sudden urge to find someone who was alone and just be with them.  I had a toddler with me and needed to get home to make supper, so I had to let the thought go...but the desire hasn't left me.  I'm not good at scheduling things.  I really only have energy to voluntarily leave my home a few times a month and maybe I'm missing the memos from the Energy Fairy, but I have no idea when that elusive energy will come.  Needless to say, joining a do-gooder group just isn't in the cards for me.  

I want this powerful freedom: to have a good day, get in my car and go...to be led to a place and have the clear discernment to know where I am needed.  I want to walk into the room, sit in the chair waiting for me next to the bed and hold the hand of the person who is dying (or dying inside) and let them know they are not alone.  Maybe I'd know exactly what they need to hear.  Maybe I'd know they just need someone to listen.  And then I'd go home.  That's the kind of super power I dream about.

My heart was built to trust and serve, but it is guarded and prone to strike if it perceives danger.  I want the insight to know whether a brat deserves the evil eye or maybe just needs a little attention and some kind words.  I want to know whether the person telling me way too much about their life in the check-out line is an emotional vampire or is actually reaching out to someone for the first time in months.  I want to instantly know the difference between the people who need my help and those whom I should avoid.  I want to know if the person sitting next to me in the waiting room needs someone to hold her hand and cry with her...or someone to tell him a joke and laugh with him.  I'm really good at both.

I was beginning to think that crystal clear discernment could be my third wish, but the more I thought about it, I began to realize this desire was actually the result of my fears.  I don't reach out to people because I worry what they will think.  I don't show my emotion in public (if I can help it) because it makes people uncomfortable.  I don't help the unfortunate because I am scared.  I want control in my life, and I'm afraid of risk.  I'm afraid of mess and sickness and other people's problems...because frankly, I'm just too tired.  I can barely deal with my own problems.  

There's nothing wrong with self-preservation or wanting to protect my family...but that is the cage that traps my heart who yearns for a mystical life of knowing and helping.  It is fear that keeps me from stepping out and fear that keeps me contained.  Fear and exhaustion.  I guess that's why I dream about the ability to step into someone's life, help, and quickly step out again.  Clean and easy.  The downside is that most of these situations might be issues that need to resolve themselves and my "help" would not actually be helpful in the long run.  Back to the drawing board.  I will certainly rue the day I find a genie lamp with this third wish question unresolved.  More likely, we live in a world where we have to find the answers to most things ourselves.  Perhaps it is not wishes we should ask for...we just have to keep asking questions.