How My Gay Sister Saved Me

I used to have a very tidy worldview.  In fact, I wrote a 5-page paper about it back when I was going to Bible college.  It was a very easy paper for me to write...because that was back when I knew everything.

I was raised in a Christian family, but I was taught to think for myself.  I've always considered myself to be open to new ideas, so I was quite blindsided when I realized how small my world really was.  I was dependent on our church to "feed" me and I thought I was growing closer to god by pulling away from the "world".  I was a good little church-going housewife and mother.  That was enough for me.

Except.  I missed my sister.

Like a lot of American Christians, I believed that homosexuality is wrong.  How could I not?  I mean, it's right there in the Bible, right?  I also believed that I should "love the sinner, but hate the sin."  You have to admit, it is a catchy slogan.  I had some friends who are gay, and I loved them (still do), but there was always an underlying feeling that there was something wrong with them.  I would pray for them to change and turn from their "lifestyle."  I am embarrassed to admit this.  Bear with me.

It wasn't really a problem for me to follow along with my church's teachings about homosexuality because, honestly, it didn't really personally affect me.  Not until my sister came out.

There were other elements at fault, but the main reason my relationship with my sister became strained was because I couldn't accept that she is a lesbian.  I was very uncomfortable.  (And now in hindsight, I know that she also spent many years being uncomfortable before accepting who she is.)  Years of missteps and misunderstanding frayed the thread that held us together.  The girl who was once my best friend was becoming a woman that I didn't really know.

Religious folks will often tell you to separate yourself from people who will "lead you astray."  Jesus told us to befriend them.  And I've learned you really can't be someone's (true) friend if you don't accept them for who they are.....or if you have ulterior motives like praying for them to change or trying to get them to come to church (and change).

Slowly, my world began to grow.  Again, there were many factors at work.  My solid worldview walls were crumbling from the inside.  Eventually, I began hearing warning bells at every church service I attended; and not just concerning the topic of homosexuality.  In a religion of "grace," there sure is a lot of talk about what we have to DO.  See, grace is free.  That's what makes it grace.  There is NOTHING we can do to earn it.  There is really nothing more that can be said about it.  How pastors can squeeze hours worth of sermons out of it baffles me.  The majority start out quite well: the fact...the honor...the gift of grace is laid out.  But then there is the BUT:  BUT we have to do good works.  BUT we have to tithe.  BUT we have to feel guilty if we don't go to church every week...
I left. (and yes, I did feel guilty for quite awhile)

At this point, I'm sure some would say that leaving the church is what sent me on the road to corrupt thinking and crazy things like supporting human rights.  To be honest, there was a time that I had no idea what to think.  Some may say I lost my faith, but I have always had absolute faith in Love.  I no longer have faith in the god that I thought I grew up with, though I have become reacquainted with the God of my heart.  God is love, the universe, inside the universe, outside the universe, in me, in others.  He/she/it reveals love and truth by any means possible, often in the most surprising ways.  I don't quite understand it all (and I currently avoid anyone who claims to), but I yearn for the grace that Jesus gave others.  My new faith is tentative as I am slowly separating what I was taught from what I truly believe, but reading about Jesus' interactions with people makes me want to be like him.  The grace that I have received makes me want to give grace to others.  I want to live in love, each day its own journey, with freedom from performance guilt and fear.  I am definitely going to make mistakes, but it is often those mistakes that teach us the most about ourselves...and reveal our true friends.

My sister saved me from my small world because she forced me to think anew.

A closing metaphor, if you will:
In the great grand scheme of things, does it really matter WHY a one-armed man only has one arm?  Regardless of what happened in the past, he has one arm and nothing can change that.  Whether he was born that way, formed that way, or even chose to be that way, he still deserves to be at peace within himself.  He deserves the right to not have to explain himself to anyone else, he deserves to be loved, and he deserves the same rights that every other human has.  He is not a second-class citizen.  In fact, he is extremely skilled with his one arm, lives a vibrant life, and has true friends who do not judge him.  What some may see as a handicap has been overcome.

NO person who truly follows Christ will EVER stand in the way of anyone's ability to overcome.