I had a dream last night: I was rushing to catch a bus...or was I rushing through an airport? Maybe both. I was "driving" a wheelchair with my one-year-old on my lap, one hand on the wheel and one arm struggling to keep him from falling off my lap. It seems there were constant ramps making the wheelchair speed faster and faster. Just when I thought I'd lose control, I'd skid to a spot where I could put my feet down just long enough to catch a little balance before the next decline. Sounds exactly like a metaphor for my reality!
When I finally reached the terminal (the wheelchair and baby had left the scene), I tripped and whacked my leg on a railing or something. As I was "rubbing it out" like my grandma taught me, I noticed rows and rows of people watching me, snickering. After all I had been through, my desire to be polite was non-existent...so I yelled, "What are you laughing at, you IDIOTS!!? I hope it hurts REALLY bad the next time you smack yourself...and you WILL!!"
I'd have to say this dream was spot on. I am getting to the point in my life where I'm tired of wasting energy on people who simply don't deserve it. I fully intend to stop trying to win the affection of people who just don't like me and face the fact that there are some people that I don't like...and I am better off just staying away from them. Please don't misunderstand me. I am referring to the type of people who will listen to your hardships, but inwardly snicker and judge. I am referring to the type of people who just don't understand and don't care to take the time to understand. I just don't have energy for them.
And therein lies the one of the many duplicities of human life. My heart is full of love one moment and I'm ready to kick an idiot in the shin the next.
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